I just wanted an excuse to use this gif as soon as possible and am therefore blogging again. Wow, look at Nick Miller, this
So anyway, other than an excuse to use that gif, I actually wanted to write about how I'm really thankful on how far my father has come in terms of being angry and all-round opinionated. This feeling actually came around when my uncle was telling off my cousin over something earlier tonight and basically, he was preeeetty mad. Even Papa was like careful not to step on his toes.
And I don't really like-like my uncle? I feel that he must always be right and he doesn't bother listening to me when like he's asking about Singapore and when Papa might have explained something not so clearly (especially with regards to education) and I'm just there, (technically part of the conversation) of course I'm going to say something - but I feel like whatever I said is just dismissed or undermined because I'm young. Or maybe this is just coz' I was majorly turned off when he used emotional blackmail to make me take some traditional medicine and use an amulet (it's a ring), it didn't sit right with me then and that feeling probably stuck till now?
I am my father's daughter. There is no doubt about it and that has caused much friction between us, being so similarly stubborn and all, especially during the period when "I SHOULD NOT BE PUNISHED FOR ARGUING WITH YOU BECAUSE WHAT YOU SAID WAS WRONG/DID WAS UNFAIR AND I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG I JUST POINTED IT OUT WHY AM I GETTING PUNISHED" was something I lived by whenever we fought. In the moments leading up to the fight, at least. I always felt guilty and terrible about myself after, but at the same time, still indignant. Which is why I've never said sorry to him for all those times, not face-to-face that is. I know, I am a terrible daughter.
And I feel like we've both come a really long way from that. I won't go into details but the fights were pretty terrible. Everything was so dramatic, it's like our fights were worthy of a drama slot complete with other family members having to physically hold people back and steel-eyed indignant glares. Not that Papa used to be a terrible father (or that my uncle's a terrible father), and my own shortcomings as a daughter aside, but I think if we didn't - somewhere along the line - somehow changed, our family would have been broken by now.
We haven't had any major fights in over a year. He talks to me about stuff. I can act cute with him and he recently is actually acting cute to me, like WUUUUUUUUT. My father's gruff and terribly rough around the edges but he's a gigantic softie inside. Again, about me being a chip off the old block, I feel like I got that from him. (If you don't think I'm a real softie inside, GET OUT. No, I'm just kidding ^^v)
I got asked recently, "what are you most proud of?", something like that and I said I was proud that I didn't fight with my father anymore. And when I was answering, I thought it was a terrible answer, like uhhhh that's the thing you're most proud of? But now, in retrospect, I am proud of that. I'm proud of my father and I. Coz' it's not as easy as people say, you know. Looking back, since our last fight, there are many times we could have ended up fighting but I can see it clearly now, there was a conscious effort to hold back; in spite of yourself and whatever you feel, don't go there because it's not worth it.
If this trip that we're having together now happened a few years ago, I don't think Mama would have ever let us gone just the two of us. Either that, or she would have been constantly wondering if World War III was going to happen while we were gone and she'd probably have reminded me for the 398472394th time right before she kissed me goodbye, "Don't fight with your father. Don't fight with your father. Remember not to fight with your father."
So yeah, here's to my father. With whom I have so many memories, both good and bad; from whom I have learnt so much, and the person who has probably influenced me the most in my life such that I am the person I am today. I don't know what I'd ever do without him, but when the time comes, (yes, I've thought about it) I'm sure that we (the family) will be ok.
Edwina (as they used to call me when I was young because I apparently really look like my father) and Edwin being qtpies heehee ヽ(*≧ω≦)ﾉ
No comments:
Post a Comment