here vs there

I think if you've already set your mind on the fact that you're unhappy in a certain place, you will always be unhappy in that place. (Self-fulfilling prophecy, look it up, it's a legit thing.)

Perhaps it's in my nature to question or to always think of both sides of whatever I'm considering, but I've never been able to convince myself to leave a place, (ie. "You're not happy here, so just go.") or anything, for that matter, without thinking "BUT will I be happier some place else?" And the thing is, I can't say for sure. No one can. So what happens if you become unhappy in the new place? Do you pack up and go to another place? What if you run out of places to go to?

The priest giving the previous Sunday's homily said that we're always dissatisfied and we pin all the blame on the environment we're in. We believe that if we change all these external things, we'll be happier. But that's where we're wrong, ain't it? That's what I can't accept - pinning all our unhappiness on our external environment. And because of that, we feel stuck. When we look at the environment, we know that it'll take heck of a lot of work to change, so we feel that any effort is futile, so we don't try at all. We end up just waiting.

Why do we disempower ourselves? Empires have been built and torn down on the backs of one person, based on the conviction of a few people. I'm not saying we have to build an empire, or start a war or revolution. I'm just saying that if you've got the power to revolutionise anything, and it could only be one thing, it'd be your world, your life.

I don't want to blame the world. And it's really not about blaming myself. I want to be responsible to myself. I want to be accountable for the decisions I'm making, for the feelings I'm feeling, for the actions I'm taking, for the life I'm leading.