I wanted to be somebody. I want to be somebody.
It is that time of the night where I wonder about such things again.
I forgot what started it this time. Why oh why, when it was just a few minutes ago? I don't know. Then again, I must remind myself that at 21, you DON'T have to have it all figured out. I saw this today, whilst being distracted during my not-so-successful attempt at revising for Spanish. "Every Year of your Twenties, Ranked from Worst to Best," it said. It didn't really mean much, and it doesn't, and it shouldn't. But it does you remind you that time is a-passing, doesn't it?
I also took one of those personality quizzes for MBTI (how obvious is it that I did not want to be revising at all) and for the first time, my answer was different. I've been a staunch ESFJ but I turned out as an ESFP this time. Checking out the profile comparisons, meh, I'm personally not inclined to believe in this new result. Evidence shows otherwise. But I guess it's an indication of some degree of change. Relative, of course.
A lot of things have happened this year.
It passed so fast but has seemed so very long. It feels like the entire year's been drawn out, such that everything that happened in the first half feels like incidents from a year ago. This Sunday, it will be December. This Saturday, we will plan for YFC Singapore's 2014. I am excited - I am excited to move on. I say, move on, and not move away because I don't know which direction the change will take but I know change must come.
Three months of discernment has led up to this very decision, I think. And even till today, God gives me signs that yup, it's time. It's a very different feeling from the one I think we all had during the February core household. This is independent. Sure, there are other things to consider and nuggets of fear and doubt continue to linger, but God doesn't let you down. He never lets up, does he? Even if you stray away, even if you forget, even if you sin again and again and again. That's one of the many awesome things about Him.
Been thinking about my sharing during November PA, during which I coined the phrase "Nevermind lah, God's plan" (not that I want to take credit, k) and wondering if I made everything just sound too. darn. easy. Because it's not. Maybe they took me for a fool, took my words as empty, took my words as fluff. Easier said than done, yes, but the point is to just. do. it. (Nike, you have claimed that phrase forever /shakesfistatyourwigsnatchingcopywriters) You may fail, but so what? Try again la.
Do not doubt your ability to empower yourself. I always tell that to myself because it teaches me to be responsible. To be responsible enough to not make excuses for my own laziness and lack of discipline. To be responsible enough to take corrective action when needed. There are things that are beyond your control, but for the things that are - and let's be honest, that includes many things. Carpe diem.
La la la, don't really know where this is going or what was the point in the later paragraphs. Gratuitous word vomit, how very me. I will post this now because I have to cram a paper tomorrow. It is due in 16 hours and I have not started.
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