plac·id \ˈpla-səd\

I wanted to be somebody. I want to be somebody.
It is that time of the night where I wonder about such things again.

I forgot what started it this time. Why oh why, when it was just a few minutes ago? I don't know. Then again, I must remind myself that at 21, you DON'T have to have it all figured out. I saw this today, whilst being distracted during my not-so-successful attempt at revising for Spanish. "Every Year of your Twenties, Ranked from Worst to Best," it said. It didn't really mean much, and it doesn't, and it shouldn't. But it does you remind you that time is a-passing, doesn't it?

I also took one of those personality quizzes for MBTI (how obvious is it that I did not want to be revising at all) and for the first time, my answer was different. I've been a staunch ESFJ but I turned out as an ESFP this time. Checking out the profile comparisons, meh, I'm personally not inclined to believe in this new result. Evidence shows otherwise. But I guess it's an indication of some degree of change. Relative, of course.

A lot of things have happened this year.

i think it started with a 'c'

There is a word I am looking for and I know what it means. It means authentic, real, not staged; but it is none of these words. I feel like the word is on the verge of materializing in my head. It is on the tip of my mind's metaphorical tongue. I have encountered the word before, in a setting perhaps not as romanticized as any of us would like, or my writing so far suggests.

While I was doing Fundamentals of Research in my first year of university, it was always mentioned in the Methods section. That's where they explain how the experiment will be conducted, how the data will be collected, yada yada. And that's it, that's where it came from. How unamusing, right. I can't remember the word exactly. Reliable, true, trustworthy? Those are not it.

I am wracking my brain right now trying to remember this word. Brows furrowed and eyes narrowed in a way that can only depict complete concentration. Although I guess I can't really say I'm concentrating too much since I am, of course, typing this as I try to remember. What else was I thinking of when the word popped into my head? Right before it disappeared and left nothing but an impression and a wandering mind? 'Caricatures', I was thinking; somewhere along the lines of a simulated setting, a not-completely-accurate depiction of reality, perhaps an exaggeration.

Ah, I am losing my bearings on the word now. Its edges are becoming fuzzy and I don't even have it on the tip of my mind's metaphorical tongue anymore; more like it's lodged in my mind's metaphorical throat like a fish bone. Synthetic? Surreal? Criticisms against laboratory settings because they are controlled, not spontaneous ... Forgive me, I'm just rattling off my train of thought now.

The significance of this is

where do we go from here

My passion for the work I do in school is just. Non-existent.
Highlight reel / behind-the-scenes.

Not sure which exactly is non-existent. ...